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The Good, The Bad and The Purulent

The Good News:
Well, I didn't explode my retina or delaminate my cornea or anything half as bad as I thought. The opthamologist(what a fucked up word) seems to think my eye is just irritated. So, he prescribed me some ye drops.

The Bad News:
To get the eye drops I had to go to FUCKING LONGS! I swear to god, every time I go to that rathole and have to stand around with the purulent, old, diaper-wetting grannies and smelly welfare psychotics (which has been about three times in the last ten years, always for something completely useless like cough syrup, or aspirin or eye drops) I feel like everyone in the place is staring at me like I have AIDS or something. Why do I go then, you say? Well, I have to admit, for some reason, I am a total sucker for the placebo effect. I swear to god, if I had pancreatic cancer and a doctor gave me a bottle of Flintstones Vitamins and told me they would cure it, it would work on me. Despite all my medical training, telling me half the shit they give you doesn't so a damn thing, it works every time.

The Good News:
The eye drops have steroids in them, so I should be looking like Arnold Schwarzenegger any day now. They also have an antibiotic, which should clear up this festering case of the clap I've had for the last 8 months. ("Tired of the steady drip, drip, drip of gonorrhea? Try Peter Rooter!")

The Bad News:
I had to drive through shitty traffic to get home, including the torn up street right outside my house that they are working on.

The Good News:
There is a guy working on the road out there wearing no shirt, just one of those orange, plastic road worker vests. He's built like a bick shrithouse and looks like Adonis. Why is this good? Shannon will see him on her way in and get all hot and jump my bones when she gets home.

The Bad News:
Shannon has a Homemedics self-massager with turbo action.

The Good News:
That will give me more time to play Baldur's Gate on Kyle's new PS2!

The Bad News:
The kids will be home soon and will kick me off the game. Fucking little rat bastards!


Anyway, I'm just glad I don't have to lose my eye, although a glass eye would be way cool for scaring little kids around the neighborhood.

Comments

( 14 comments — Leave a comment )
azirphion
Jul. 22nd, 2002 03:52 pm (UTC)
Great post! You always make me laugh.

Sorry about your eye. I can hardly read about it. I have this eye phobia. I cannot even put eye drops in without freaking out about it.

BTW where did Shannon get the....Homemedics self-massager with turbo action? OK .. just kidding. :P
doobieous
Jul. 22nd, 2002 03:56 pm (UTC)
Get that digital cam out and get a pic of him for me!
jamespolk
Jul. 22nd, 2002 03:56 pm (UTC)
Hey Demo, that hole in the street is pretty rough. Do you drive on the paved side going the wrong way? Or do you just drive through the gravel?

I chose gravel, but Lani thought I should have just gone on the other (wrong) side of the street.
democritus
Jul. 22nd, 2002 06:59 pm (UTC)
I have a manly truck, so I drive through the gravel(when someone is coming the other way).
rasa
Jul. 22nd, 2002 04:03 pm (UTC)
So, he prescribed me some ye drops.

Ye drops! Avast ye! Landlubber!

Teehee!

Glad your ye is ok. ;)
doobieous
Jul. 22nd, 2002 04:17 pm (UTC)
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
rasa
Jul. 22nd, 2002 04:30 pm (UTC)
Re:
heehee!
zette
Jul. 22nd, 2002 04:16 pm (UTC)
"The Bad News:
Shannon has a Homemedics self-massager with turbo action."


That sounds familar- you'd better post the exact model so I can check on it- I think they've been...ummmm.recalled. or something. Anyway, I should check it out, that's for sure.

Hey asshat, did you see my song post?
http://www.livejournal.com/talkpost.bml?journal=zette&itemid=193120

Also, I posted that I'm going to learn "Cool Change" by the Little River band for you and Psy (to sing at karaoke), but I can't find that post. I gotta stop smoking so much crack.
diyeana
Jul. 22nd, 2002 05:22 pm (UTC)
The Good News:
There is a guy working on the road out there wearing no shirt, just one of those orange, plastic road worker vests. He's built like a bick shrithouse and looks like Adonis. Why is this good? Shannon will see him on her way in and get all hot and jump my bones when she gets home.


That is terrific news! Good luck! There was a regular road worker working near my house just this past few weeks. I used to look for him every day...it was the highlight of my drive home. Now the construction is done so I have to go find new things to delight me. Any suggestions?
doobieous
Jul. 23rd, 2002 02:19 am (UTC)
Well, if you're like me, you wander out into Monterey around 4:30 - 5:00 PM along the rec trail to see all the hot, yummy assed military guys go running by. If it's warm out, they often strip down to just their small running shorts and their tight little t-shirts.

And lucky for me, half are probably gay :).
geobabe1
Jul. 22nd, 2002 06:05 pm (UTC)
The eye drops have steroids in them, so I should be looking like Arnold Schwarzenegger any day now.

Or at least your eye will. Now, that would look odd...
chococat66
Jul. 22nd, 2002 09:04 pm (UTC)
Oh my goodness... get well soon!
themermaid
Jul. 23rd, 2002 06:12 am (UTC)
So what happened? Pirate initiation gone terribly wrong or what?

I don't know which is more disturbing, your eye has some mysterious injury, your train of thought or the fact that I understood it perfectly.

So take ye drops and lets be a little more careful OK?
democritus
Jul. 23rd, 2002 07:30 am (UTC)
Well, I was wearing my contacts for a week, which I am supposed to take out every night. And i got tons of salt water in my eyes while sailing. So, I pretty much did it to myself.
( 14 comments — Leave a comment )