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This is pretty funny. I definitely have a bit of some of these in me. By 9mm, via kaf

The Ranter
You have a short fuse and generally everything and everyone pisses you off. You could even rant about a the sky being blue. A typical entry from a ranter would be " Things that piss me off ", or " Things I hate ..." or " You know what sucks !?!?!?! ". You confuse your smartass little rants with intelligence, and think everyone will think you're cool. Hey, guess what chief? Nobody cares whether you HATE people whistling to themselves - youre an asshat. Go make an angry entry about THAT.

Please could you enlighten us all as to what THE FUCK it is youre talking about??? You turn up on peoples friends lists in the middle of the night, and you never make a post that actually makes any sense. Your journal entries make people feel as though theyre losing grip on reality. You make them think they really ARE supposed to understand incoherent posts like " Cactus spikes, pink feathers....too much jelly :(. ". "What in the HELLLLL are you talking about?!?!? Do you do this on purpose or is there really some hidden meaning behind the nonsense you write?

The Drama Whore
You somehow manage to get yourself involved in every drama occurring in LJ. You scour the thousands of LiveJournals out there looking for some controversy to be stuck in and then make entries in your OWN journal about how offended you are. As a drama whore, youll usually have a friends list of 'adoring' friends ( read: groupies ) who'll never go against what you say, and then like a pack of dogs youll all go clicking into some unsuspecting person's journal and tear them to shreds. You even make a drama out of someone de-friending you.

The " Friends Only " Journaler
OHHHHH and now we come to the ever popular " Sorry, FRIENDS only " journal. The "Friends only" journaler has a list of rules specifying how you can become one of their groupies. Youll usually see the criteria for joining in their User Info or in the only PUBLIC entry they have. " Please leave a message here if you would like to be added to my friends list. Please dont add me without first leaving a comment because you WILL NOT be added back. If I like your journal and like what I read I will add you and let you know by comment that you are added. If I consider your journal spam you will not be added. You are not welcome if you do not comment in my journal or if you dont make interesting entries into your own journal ... " Oh fuck OFF please!!!!???

The My Every Move Journal.
Why do you think the world wants to know about your every move? Why would we want to be reminded that TODAY you watched TV??? Why is it necessary to note that you ate a pepperoni pizza, that you stayed in the shower for 30 minutes, that you looked out of the window and someone waved to you, that you danced to a few CDs, that you ARE sitting in front of your computer, or even that you just woke up????? Do us all a favor and go back to sleep. NEXT!

The Survey / Personality Test Whore.
Your journals are a total waste of space. People hate you. Really. No-one cares what flavored condom you are, what sex toy you are, what disease you are or what fictional character you are, so why punish everyone with the results? In fact, what kind of insight do you gain from these tests some kid put together in a matter of minutes. You want psycho analysis?? Go see a psychiatrist.

The Anime / Manga freak
You are clones. Bet you didn't know that right? Hate to piss in your lemonade but its true. Hopefully you will be enlightened after reading this. Youre all HTML freaks who think miniscule font is uber cool. Your journal entries page uses a huge amount of space for a picture of your favorite character whilst the room left for your actual entry verges on non-existent. You all have an obsession with in-line, color-coordinated scrollbars, and your anime user pics (adorning some stupid ass message) suck. Your entries are far removed from reality. There are MILLIONS of you out there. It's scary really. These kind of journals are spawned every minute. Be afraid. Be VERY afraid.

The HTML Freak
You are a clone of the anime freak. Talk about bottom of the food chain. You use so much HTML in the design of your journals, it just ends up looking like Michael Jackson - a total fucking mess. Stop trying to show off, and design something that's actually user friendly. You insist on helping others to design their journals. DESIGN???? God help us all !!!!!

The Fake LJer
There are two types of fake LJer.

The cowardly faker. Youre the one who has another journal so you can make fucked up comments and 'troll' other people's journals without anyone knowing who you REALLY are but it usually isn't too difficult to figure it out ... and we DONT respect you. We probably dont even like you in the first place.

The alter ego faker. Ohhhhhhh we ALLL know who YOU are .... You can only be SOMEBODY when you're pretending to be someone else ... right???

The Writer / Poet
We are falling asleep already .... Ooops did I say that? I meant, " Youre SOOOO talented - that's the best stuff Ive read in years!! " What was it supposed to be about again?

The Lovesick LJer
Where every entry is about your significant other. It makes us all want to reach for the porcelain goddess. You keep telling on a weekly basis that its your One month and one week anniversary. AND?? Youre together. Be grateful for that.

The Performer
You write solely because you think you are entertaining the world. You go around adding people to your friends list for the sole purpose of an audience. You have no intention of reading their entries. You are obsessed with how many comments you can get. You think everyone on your friends list finds you witty, fun, insightful. The only personal information you divulge are ones you make up to get the comments ratings up. You're inoffensive, but youre still an ass.

The Fair Weather Friend
Make your mind up. You add people, you delete them, you add them, you delete them. You think they're not reading your journal, you do a check and delete some more, then you add some more .... oh, and then you delete some more. Why do you BOTHER? What are you LOOKING FOR? Mommy didn't give us enough attention when we were little did she?

The Picture Whore
My my my. These are the journalers who post pictures of themselves every other ( if not every ) entry looking for attention. Most of the time these pictures are followed by the statement. " Plain old me." or " Look at how ugly/fat/horrible/insert bad adjective here I am. " Do you really need attention that badly? And god forbid someone not post how handsome or pretty you are!!! My god! You must double your effort!!! TWICE the pictures! THREE TIMES the posts. Oh and throw in some old ones for good measure.

The Pity Party / Woe Is Me
Here we have the folks whose only entries is to complain and moan about how bad their life is. They fucking FEED off pity comments. Its the only thing that keeps them going. And god forbid no one comment. Then you get entries like "Well no one is reading anyway who cares..... ". Well.....we dont obviously ...goodbye.

The Journalist / Corespondent
You obviously think it that the gods decreed that you would be the messenger, bringing the latest news and gossip to the world. Apparently CNN isnt doing a good enough job for you. Your reporting is obviously more up to date and fact based than the people who get PAID to do it.

The I Have Issues Journaler
The hallmark cry of these LJers is something along the lines of "You havent been through what I have !!!", " You dont know what its like !! ", " You cant comment on what you dont know about ! ". It seems in this day and age its not cool or you arent part of the "in crowd" unless you have "issues". Oh Im Bi-Polar. Oh Im Manic Depressive. Oh Im Obsessive Compulsive. Heres a hint bucko......people who actually have these problems dont go broadcasting it for the world to know.

The I Will Make My Entries As Long As I Want
These bastards almost always classify in several other types of LJer here. But their other flagrant offense is making a post that is eight hundred seventy two thousand six hundred thirteen lines long with no LJ cut. They made that a feature for a REASON you fucking chimps. Use it. No one wants to read every god damn answer to the 8000 question survey you just posted ( for the second time this month I might add ).

The Multiple Personality Journaler
You have a different journal for every pair of underwear you own!! WTF man!?!?! The happy journal, the sad journal, the dream journal, the angry journal, the sex journal. While normally this isnt a problem since you are sparing us most of your bullshit. But in your case you expect everyone to read and comment on your 200 other journals as well !!!!


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 7th, 2003 08:16 pm (UTC)
Those are priceless
Apr. 8th, 2003 06:17 am (UTC)
I'm so busted.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )