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Dec. 17th, 2000

What can I say? I'm in heaven. My kids are here. At this moment, I have everything I ever want in this world. This is my family. This incredible woman that I've found and our five kids. My cup runneth over. We've been playing and messing around all day. If there is any negative feeling that exists in me at this time, it is only the thought that I'm going to have to let them go again in two weeks. I can supress that for now though. There is too much life around me to bother with that.

It's been so strange, lately (well, the last year or so) I never knew that this kind of happiness was possible. When I was younger, I went in and out of depressed states, like everyone else, I'm sure. Then came the time where I finally knew myself and began to be true to myself and found out how happy I could be. Now this. I don't know, maybe it just takes being ready for it, and then it comes. I'm really starting to believe it. It's very spiritual, in a way. It's something like, "becoming one" or enlightenment. Once you're in the zone, everything falls into place. There's a quote from "The Stranger" that I need to get...

Here it is: "It was as if that great rush of anger had washed me clean, emptied me of hope, and, gazing up at the stars, for the first time, the first, I laid my heart open to the benign indifference of the universe. To feel it so like myself, indeed, so brotherly, made me realize that I'd been happy, and that I was happy still."

Well, without the anger part, I guess... ;-)