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Guest Blogging: A Bourdain Throwdown

By Anthony Bourdain

A short sample, regarding Rachel Ray:

We KNOW she can’t cook. She shrewdly tells us so. So...what is she selling us? Really? She’s selling us satisfaction, the smug reassurance that mediocrity is quite enough. She’s a friendly, familiar face who appears regularly on our screens to tell us that “Even your dumb, lazy ass can cook this!” Wallowing in your own crapulence on your Cheeto-littered couch you watch her and think, “Hell…I could do that. I ain’t gonna…but I could--if I wanted! Now where’s my damn jug a Diet Pepsi?"



( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 8th, 2007 11:24 pm (UTC)
I *love* the bit about the Ace of Cakes guy. :D Hee.
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Feb. 8th, 2007 11:54 pm (UTC)
Feb. 9th, 2007 12:10 am (UTC)
Oh man, I'd love to hang out with him, eat some pasta, drink some booze and smoke a million cigarettes.
Feb. 9th, 2007 12:56 am (UTC)
I love that guy. My favorites were his comments on Sandra Lee. My god she is the most terrifying thing on that network.
Feb. 9th, 2007 12:58 am (UTC)
I walked by him in NYC once and did the mother of all double takes. He is SMOKING hot.

Anyway, I love what he says about Sandra Lee; I hate that chick and her fucking "tablescapes."
Feb. 9th, 2007 03:41 am (UTC)
Yeah, I've met him a couple of times. My mom and I both want to jump his bones, which is just fucking awkward.
Feb. 9th, 2007 01:51 am (UTC)
Who knew there was cooking snark?
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Feb. 9th, 2007 02:47 am (UTC)
Despite losing 10 points for loving Bourdain, I will say, I agree with most of what he says. It's not what he's said, it's how he's said it.

That said, God, Emeril... utterly unwatchable except maybe Essence of Emeril. I think what annoys the shit out of me is that his audience is like a pack of trained monkeys who would cheer at even the mention of salt being an ingredient. Hell, I bet they'd cheer wildly if he pulled his pants down and shit in the pot.
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Feb. 9th, 2007 07:31 am (UTC)
Pfff, 100 gay points compared to 10 bourdain points is like 1,000 pennies compared to 1,000 dollars ;)
Feb. 9th, 2007 02:41 am (UTC)
You know, I agree with most of what he says, but he raises the bile in me faster than anything else.

Loving him is like loving a gangrenous ulcer.
Feb. 9th, 2007 07:29 pm (UTC)
</i>Where the saintly Julia Child sought to raise expectations, to enlighten us, make us better--teach us--and in fact, did, Rachael uses her strange and terrible powers to narcotize her public with her hypnotic mantra of Yummo and Evoo and Sammys. “You’re doing just fine. You don’t even have to chop an onion--you can buy it already chopped. Aspire to nothing…Just sit there. Have another Triscuit…Sleep….sleep….”</i>

YUMM-O, EVOO, and Sammys. hahahahah spot-on!
Feb. 10th, 2007 08:54 am (UTC)
I always thought Martin Yan of Yan Can Cook was awesome back inna day.Also really like Justin Wilson and Ming Tsai

Tried to watch Alton once on Food Network and thought he was a douchebag,
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )